Absence?

I have been absent from my beloved bloggie world for days now. Not only have I not posted much, but I have not been visiting others either.

Last week was a complete whirl wind. At the end of each night, I was ready to jump on my blog and share the emotion of the night, but alas, it did not happen. By the end of the week, I realized that what I was unknowingly doing was letting all the parts come together to form a whole. I was not supposed to examine them individually, but rather let them sink into my being and propel me forward.

Synergy:

"The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

The "agents or forces" were many. Last week I experienced creativity, pure exhilaration, embarrassment, disappointment, a profound peace, union, collaboration, friendship, love, rushes of energy and magic. I was both frantically moving and serenely still. I confirmed something in me that I HOPED existed, literally and figuratively.

At the beginning of last week I wrote a piece called "Get The Balance Right." In it, I lamented the fact that I have so much to do and not enough time to do it in. I questioned my methods. I received some great feedback in response to that post; however, the comment that really stuck with me was this one by Michelle.

She said:

"is there anyone good at balance?

maybe balance is overrated? maybe it's a word we've come up with in hopes of being more efficient, more productive, more...more...more... and instead we end up feeling inadequate, lazy, stressed out, and guilty... because really, what is 'balance' anyway? does it exist?"

And you know what? She is right. (thank you M)

Balance IS overrated. And do you want to know why? Because if we concentrate on creating a life of perfect balance, we will never be able to test ourselves. Our lives are not neat little packages, and for those of us (read: all the beautiful bloggie gals I read) who are pushing to find our best unique selves, those packages NEED to be messy. In order to get to where we want to go, we have to push the comfort limits; it is just that simple. We have to take a chance on ourselves!

I am not recommending that we all throw complete caution to the wind and run wild on a daily basis, because we do all have important  responsibilities that we must tend to.  That being said, I think that I have realized that the "messiness" that I am often reading about works not only when it comes to creating tangible art, but also when it comes to creating our literal existence.

This may be the most altering realization that I have experienced in a long long time. I opened a door, and I see a whole wide beautiful new world in front of me. All of last week's emotions combined with every step I took, every word I wrote, every moment of planning, every moment of solitude...all of it combined to teach me a lesson and change my perspective.

My perception of "balance" has been corrected. I still believe in it; however, I now realize that like everything else in life, it has it's time and place. It's existence is vital in some areas, while a little commotion is necessary in others.

There are some exciting things brewing over here on my street. More to come on that....

And so it would seem that in my absence, I was actually more present that I thought.

Comments

[darlene]

YOU are a stunning beauty......
and a balanced one at that ;-)

XOXO Darlene

[Boho]

this is wonderful, Jen. definitely gave me something to think about. i often talk about balance but i know that also would come with expectations of myself that i may not be able to fulfill at a certain time in order to maintain that balance. it's tricky. i do look back at certain times in my life when i have divided my time with things that truly bring peace and happiness. i suppose that is when i feel the most "balanced". my life has been everything but balanced lately but you know why. you are in a good place my dear. a very open, beautiful space. love you...xoxo

[Becca]

This was a fabulous post, and really hit home with me. I've been struggling with this very issue for months now, and reading this really gave me a much needed new perspective.

Thanks so much for the wonderful insight, and I'll keep reading to see where your journey is taking you!

BTW, I linked to you in my post here http://beccasbyline.blogspot.com/2007/02/balancing-act.html

[bee]

okay, jen.

i MISS YOU A F***ING LOT. i'm going to write you a big fat email tomorrow and i just wanted to say hi.

hi!

i love you.

[kerrianne]

"And so it would seem that in my absence, I was actually more present that I thought." --I really like this. Lovely thought, it is. And, as a bonus! it would work well in any sort of classroom/work situation, if one were to be busted for staring off into space. Not that that's ever happened to me, of course. Ahem. ; )

[Rebecca Geach]

Beautiful...
Gorgeous photo.
Secondly... BALANCE is such an elusive state :-)
I wrote about it here:
http://rebeccageach.blogspot.com/2006/03/attaining-balance.html
Dunno if it helps...its still pretty much feel now.
(hugs and love)
Bx

[Alex aka Gypsy Girl]

Once in a while, I like to let go of my continuous search for balance as well. I do that by mixing it all up a bit. Adrenaline filled run, instead of healing yoga, a big burger with fries (not salad!!), sleeping in till noon (guilt free), exploding with thoughts and feelings (getting stuff off my chest), making decisions (and mistakes) without knowing for sure what the outcome will be... Somehow by exploring, the balance comes back strong. Deep inside we know what we need... all the time.btw - great banner ~

[Colorsonmymind]

Hi Baby-

thinking of you. Your week sounds exciting. I found myself with the strongest desire to bundle up and stand on the porch taking deeps breathes and talking.

Love you

[Tammy]

Wow - what a fantastic realization - and it really resonates with me! Thank you so much for sharing!! I find my imbalances happen when I am not creating. When I am creating, things are messier certainly, but I FEEL more balanced!

[bee]

you are so wise, sister. thank you for this. (hug)

[daisies]

: )

yah and yes and yes and yah!! I really needed to hear these words ... thank you!

[la vie en rose]

whew...i was a little worried about posting that comment because i wasn't certain how it would be taken. i think i've been so upset with myself for my lack of balance lately and i suddenly realized sometimes ya just have to be were you're at and screw the balance. sometimes balance just can't happen...and it's not supposed to happen. so i'm glad there were ways in which it applied to you as well...

[Frida]

What a great post. I used to be all about striving for balance, but then I realised that it was never going to happen - at least not the way I was imagining it.

I still work to keep some degree of balance (at least in sleeping, eating and getting outside for fresh air and movement - otherwise i start going a bit loopy and then my boyfriend gets scared).

But I also know that I do my strongest work when I'm a bit rushed, a bit manic, a little bit keyed up on adrenaline and passionate excitment.

I know that do my most glorious relaxing when I let the kitchen get too messy, and I abandon the healthy cooked meal for a dinner of pistachio nuts and beer while watching a marathon of the West Wing. I need to sometimes go to extremes and I suspect that we all do.

Your week sounds very invigorating!

[Laini]

Wow -- it does sound like there's a lot brewing in your mind! Love your thoughts on balance -- I know my own life is pretty lopsided in favor or work, and because its creative work, work that I love, I let it take over. And because my husband is the same way, he is complicit in it, and we don't make ourselves balance it out with some life-life, at least, not like we want to. It is a constant effort and quest, as I guess all our lives are. We're jugglers who never really stop juggling. Glad to hear you sounding so inspired an alive!

[shazz27]

Oh WHoYah for that.
How true and how perfectly said.
I love your new banner and those soulful wise eyes of yours are inspiring and this was just the inspiration I needed to feel a whole lot better thanks Jen.
As always it was worth the wait. As I check on you daily your absences didn't go unnoticed, I almost emailed.
This is really your year to shine. Your awakenings are a lesson for us all and I so appreciate your rationality during my treatment, you keep me grounded by thought, as this treatment messes with my head as well as my body.
I love that you put my fears into play perfectly in my mind. xxxxx

[DebR]

Here's a big "hell, yeah!" from the back of the room. :-)

[kristen]

As I look around my house, with clutter on all the surfaces and I'm feeling extremely worn out, I so needed to read this post. Thank you.